My sabbatical in the past two weeks made me realize how much I missed writin in here..but my life has bin busy..busier than I ever imagined..whether I like it or no..m still unable to decide..the past weeks have bin difficult for me..i wanted the pages of my new chapter to be nice..n bright..n pleasant to look back at..but obvio that’s not what its always gonna be..(mebbe I do so coz I think m not gifted like lotsa ppl..)..but iv thot so much in the past few days..sometimes ur soo clueless bout what ur doin..its not even funnie..at most of my sessions at work..(btw I dun work yet..m on trainin..difficult to explain to ppl when they ask..’Hows work’..)..the most scariest part is that mebbe m not gonna be here..doin this job..mebbe theyl kick me out..if I dun perform..neway getting back..iv had many switches in my so called aim in life..n at points iv felt miserable bout it..back in scool..i never had dreams like ppl did..of what they wanted to be when they grow up..Miss India..Director..n ofcorse the cliché..doctor..engineer..most wanted to have a chilled out life..n the easiest thing they cud do was Commerce..prefrably in M.M.K..though I wonder how..coz I wudv failed miserably had I taken it( yeah I have a habit to underestimate myself..but still)..nehow I did think of doin all the above mentioned things at some point in my life..when I was young n saw the Miss India Pageants..on T.V..i did picture myself..i know..its a dark secret vich iv let out..but I was small..very small when I had that fantasy..the sheer respect name fame glamour was very attractive..nehow as I grew up..I realised it wasn meant for me..lol..rather I wasn meant for it..like I said I cudn think of doin commerce..n for some reason no arts as well..so my option then was science..What in science..as I got in..I realized that Biology in particular interests me..so there my dream(as I mentioned I dun dream of these things.i was day dreamin)..of becoming a doctor..i absolutely loved the thot of it..my name Dr.Dimple..my job so challenging..so respectful..i was passionate to achieve it..but again vr in a place where the competition is increasin by the nanosecond..no this time m not exagerratin..it reallie is..overpopulation bein the cause..n ofcorse evryones zest to survive in this world..sometimes I reallie feel like callin this a BAD BAD world (gulshan grover style)..nehow my dream was shattered..so now my other option..engineering..n this for a person who sucks..oh it shud be SUCKS at maths..got a score good enough to get into Chemical Engineering..the onie initial reason of getting into it was coz mebbe chem is close to bio..from vich angle..dunnno..well after I got there..i realized what it actuallie consists of..sadly nothing even remotely related to bio..it was a tough transition..a bad period..very bad one..n sum kinda determintation made me attempt my medical entrance again..but it din help..finallie I fixed my mind on doin Engg..n doin it well..i pretty much did..4 years were brilliant for me..both academically/tp wise/personally..my most cherished times..(its gonna be so for most engineers..theres sumthin bout the people v meet..all kinds from geeks to freaks..)nehow it was close to placements..n again I was apprehensive of getting into an I.T company..i said lets give it try..its good to have a back up..so there I got into Accenture..post the placement..i started getting more n more attached to Chem engg..Well wat happened next is what all of ul know..m workin at Accenture..yet anoder transition..so whatever I did for four years..m never ever gonna use it..dosent give u a good feelin..lotsa ppl do it..but I wasn ready..in the past few days..iv thot of all these aspects of my life..it sucked..i felt like a Loser..a big bloody loser..what have i bin doin..what m I gonna do after a year..do sumthin else..how many more changes..i know m supposed to have a positive attitude to things..but how can I..with all that’s happened..I dun see neother way out though..m tryin to be happie..workin hard towards achieving what I have to..yeah that’s the onie thing that’s helping me..i know this is not the appropriate time to discuss my frustrations over formal wear to office..but I just hate it..I neway have so many things keeping me stressed..the last thing I want is to look ugly..(in my eyes I do)..with those stooopid shoes..(mebbe I don’t have a rite to call them stupid..but iv bin gifted with big broad feet..n bein absolutely fussy bout what to wear..how much to spend on it..blah blah..) end result..formal pants still suck..oh ya just remem..i even thot of takin up Hockey as a profession..lol..for now a few quotes:
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
(Ok m dealin with C these days..sooo found an apt sayin..lol)
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
- Frank Zappa
(lol..makes me feel good bout the number of times iv mentioned or thot that m stupid!!)
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
(N lastly..an inspirin one for my goal..not sure of I can still call it though :( :(
