Blahh!!

Its bin quite a while since something meaningful happened in life..n so I have thots randomly swimming in the pool of Nowhere..(I have no idea wat that meant)..thats my opinion at most things m doin these days..its good to tell urself that ur gonna make good use of ur time..n end up doin absolutely the OPPosite!! Umm lets see..from wat happened in the past few days..the interestin story wud be that of my POD bein lost miraculously..yet again one more thing..similar to my Pan Card..but this time I still havnt located it..n neither m I gonna write an entry here on the search..coz it was pretty much similar..but wat I miss the most..is the MUSICCC..especially wen m travellin..Iv bin cursing like never before..cursing the person who took my ipod..neway talking of it makes me depressed..oooh with depressed I remembered..how unfair God could be..my conclusions r based on something..rather someone iv seen work selflessly toward humanity..spirituality for almost all his life..Ok it’s a lil long..but its reallie left me ponderin over the existence of U..dear God..yet again..( I knoe it sounds weird to keep swingin with emotions n beliefs like they were on a see-saw!!! wow..the first metaphor I used..) nehow..this uncle whom I have fond memories of as the person who gave me 15 rupees n chocolates for reciting certain prayers on Guru nanak Jayanti ever since iv bin a kid..my heart skipped a beat wen I heard that he met with an accident and was in a coma all this while..n has lost his memory..n had to be bot on a wheel chair to attend the ceremony this year..i cudn even see him yesterday..but wat kinda explanation do u provide for this..wat did he do to deserve all this..mebbe I get too personal..n the bucket of emotions in me just overflow..n mebbe thousands of ppl face similar situations everyday..but I cudn stop..i went there to pray for myself..n all I cud think of is This!!! M still waitin to think the rite way..to know wat to believe in..

To make things a lil lighter n not talk of my unanswerable questions..the thing to rejoice is that I finallie have a Lavender room!!..n yea..iv bin reading My Country My life by L.K.Advani n I must say that guy has truckloads of information..m not quite the appropriate person to give a book review..n that too on a topic vich so strongly reflects Politics..(vich I fail to figure out)..the first part of his book..whether or not he aimed at it..is bout Sindhis n how great they were..( so non-sindhis may not love his continual praise)..but I enjoyed it..he mentioned a lot bout partition..n sumwhere in between “Radha Soami” “Guru Nanak” “Dama dam mast kalandar” “K.C college” “Shabad” “Akhand paath” “Nij Thanw”..familair words n places for me..i cud relate to it..n felt a lil proud to be a Sindhi with all that’s in it..k enough bout the book..I spent a lot of time with my nephew..my bestest person..n he shocked me for the amount of things he knows..i wish I was born now..(But well then I wudn be writin this rite now)..n yea iv bin a lot into F.R.I.E.N.D.S lately..n I feel sad to know that How i MeT Your Mother dosent quite feel original now..(everyone who wants to debate on that is welcome)..n yea durin my travel time..Iv bin rather observant..not outa choice..its coz I cant fall asleep like everyone else..ssoo..random thots again..”Its not important how Fast u get there..its important Where u get to”..is wat I saw..n wondered wat if its too late..n m not suppossed to be where I am(mebbe its not applicable everywhere)..gosh..went into deep thinking crap..n stopped again..”U want a great banking experience..vr 100 mtrs down the road”..vich reminded me of goin to my bank..n thinking of all the Finance aspect..vich I Hate..so then I chucked that as well..”Sai Service”..ooh that’s where v met up to go for the Paraag Chitale trip..oh that was fun..n also embarassin..now m not gonna say y..yesss I finallie recognize roads..”Fashion ka hai yeh Jalwa”..yea liked that movie..”If u were an actor..u wud do nethin to be rated by them..Flicks n Chicks..sumthin..”..”Dostana out on 14^th November”..fuck priyanka looks super hot here..i havto see the movie..(John is the real reason actuallie..:P)..”Yoko now in thakur complex”..Damn iv hardly even bin to the one next to my place..but I wanna eat sumthin now..not the canteen food..sigh sigh*..”Ladies Beauty Salon..open all days”..this sounds good..can use it durin emergencies..though its situated inside this biiiig building..n no1 even knows bout it..”...sigh reached office now..

After all the thinking one thing that came to my mind was..We wudn know how Good the Good is..unless there is no Bad..so mebbe all the bad things happen for a reason..but the way they happen..n the ppl they happen to is still not justified in my mind!!!

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Yea I dunno in hell wat that means..coz sometimes u cant define certain things..n the most difficult thing for me..is to title my blog..coz it mostly consists of random shit( excuse me for the language..y m I excusing..my blog..i cud write shit..or some more shit that I want)..or mebbe m just not creative enough..n mebbe I stole the idea from sumbody..i dun care nemore..m just back to wonderin y have I left my brains to rust all this while..its ironical..wen I din have the time to breathe..i had this looooong list of things to do..n now wen I have all the time in this world..m not doin a single thing outa it..stupid as it sounds..m just..i dunno..i dun even know wat to say..its like I was in this phase of Sem 9..where id kinda forgotten wat I actuallie wanna do in life..n now its slowly sinking in again..wen I even overhear ppl bout “Where do u see urself five years from now”…my mind throws a volley of questions to me..”Where the fuck m I gonna be 2 months from now”..”Do I have ne damn idea”..”Is this wat u always wanted to do”..”What did u wanna do in the first place”..”Gosh can v not have this conversation”..”But I need to..iv bin avoidin it for long now”..”But where the hell do I start??”..Lets see..”Do I dream”..of bein sumthin..someone..

I dunno only if I got ne proper dreams that I remember..vich reminds me one of my frens actuallie does remem her dreams..isn that cool..well for most times even I do..but its in a different form..i have this feelin of Déjà vu..its a strong strong feelin..i get it all the time..n until my forever handy google made me realize that it’s the most common experience n about 70% ppl experience it..i was happie that there was sumthin amazin bout my dreams..nehow..my excitement was vitiated wen a theory also suggested that it cud be due to one eye foreseeing the events a fraction of a seconds before the other..wooosh..sumthin like that actuallie happens!! Ofcorse the more stronger one has sumthin to do with the two hemispheres..cerebral I mean..its amazing how science proves certain myths so haywire..anoder interesting documentary that I recently saw..was bout the Bermuda Triangle..n it still lies an unsolved mystery..its called the Devils Triangle..Its the region between Bermuda,Miami and Peurto Rico where a number of air crafts n ships are alleged to have disappeared..Some people have claimed that these disappearances fall beyond the boundaries of human error or acts of nature. Popular culture has attributed some of these disappearances to the paranormal, a suspension of the laws of physics, or activity by extraterrestrial beings.But there again v have science n technology..provin them wrong or at least in an effort to do so.. It has been hypothesized that periodic methane eruptions (sometimes called "mud volcanoes") may produce regions of frothy water that are no longer capable of providing adequate buoyancy for ships. If this were the case, such an area forming around a ship could cause it to sink very rapidly and without warning..Wow..dosent that sound convincing..Ofcorse there were other explanations provided vich proved that mebbe it’s coz of human error..but then lack of wreckage dosent quite convince me on that one..but wat an interesting job it wud be..to unravel the mystery of the inexplicable Bermuda Triangle..

Pheww..too much into physics..but its an exciting thing to do..atleast sounds that way..the end of this gets me back to the conversation I was havin with my conscience..well looks like its yet anoder “later” coming my way..:(

Life..Love..n more Love!!

Karma!!! Its what I finallie completely believe in..its somethin that has bin troubling for me looong now..n recently an instance in my life has reconfirmed my belief..my dialogue with the power that controls us is endless..m sure there r millions of ppl with me doin the same..not everyone is as lucky as me..now now I know ul wanna know what was that incident..but had I wanted to talk bout it..i wudv already blurted it out by now..nehow post this discovery..I dun feel the void in me or atleast its lessened (gosh I can never be happie with wat iv got..still want more!!!)

Though wat iv written previously is not related to wat m writin now..but wat the hell..i like bein random..dunno y m justifyin..nehow my recent travelling trips to office (theyr trips for a person whose never gotten outa bandra)..i listen to lotsa music on my pod..like most travellers..its a savior from all the shitloads of traffic..annoyin frustratin looong hours of doin nothing..neway..while I was listenin..my pod started to play..’Sutta’..n it just got me all nostalgic..took away all the possible cribbin that was goin on in my mind..bot an instant smile to my face..started to think of the brilliant times I had in college..singin this song..wat I now thot of is..y do v looove this song so much..i mean all he does is abuses..says it in different ways..but uses the same Ben****..Ma****..but the lives that v all have..in vich ever phase it is..be it college or at work..feels so wonderful to remove ur frustration that way..ne sane person wud reallie think m mad..but m not alone..there r no sane ppl left..lol..( n for all those ppl who still havnt heard the song..ul r reallie missin something!!)

The other song that’s my all time favourite is..ul vil know shortly..coz I wanna share the lyrics here..for all u ppl whov already heard the song..want ul to feel the lyrics..esp if ul r guys!! Here I gooooo

Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?

Written by: B. Adams / M. Kamen / R.J. Lange

To really love a woman

To understand her - you gotta know hre deep inside

Hear every thought - see every dream

N give her wings when she wants to fly

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms

Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she’s really wanted

When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one

Cuz she needs somebody to tell her that it’s gonna last forever

So tell me have you really – really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman

Let her hold you – til ya know how she needs to be touched

You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her

Til you can feel her in your blood

N’ when you see your unborn children in her eyes

Ya know ya really love a woman

Yeah for all those people who think m a die hard romantic..well well..m not hopelessly romantic..but every word of this song makes a lot of sense..most girls (normal ones)..vil agree with me..n since m highly addicted to the One Tree Hill series vich revolves around the most ineffable,purest,consecrated emotion..Love..qoutin something from there..

"At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in the world. Some are running scared.. some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls -- and sometimes.. all you need is 1."

"You ever heard the expression 'The best things in live are free.' Well that expression is true.' Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

Lastly Id like to be a critic again..since the one good thing I did in the weekend vich by the way was horrible..rather not think of it..haan..good thing..i saw Rock On..vich totallie rocked..evrythin the music..the performances..( I hate to say this..Rampal ur a hottie..but just wished u cud act as well!)..n since I also analyse a lot these days..recent hobby..there were many parts in the movie when I hated Farhan..i mean his character..but then I realised that he was just bein practical..takin actions according to the need of the situation..he wasn goody goody at all times..but then life dosent always let u be that way..even if u try..try very hard to!!!

Goin Gol Gol with Goals!!

My sabbatical in the past two weeks made me realize how much I missed writin in here..but my life has bin busy..busier than I ever imagined..whether I like it or no..m still unable to decide..the past weeks have bin difficult for me..i wanted the pages of my new chapter to be nice..n bright..n pleasant to look back at..but obvio that’s not what its always gonna be..(mebbe I do so coz I think m not gifted like lotsa ppl..)..but iv thot so much in the past few days..sometimes ur soo clueless bout what ur doin..its not even funnie..at most of my sessions at work..(btw I dun work yet..m on trainin..difficult to explain to ppl when they ask..’Hows work’..)..the most scariest part is that mebbe m not gonna be here..doin this job..mebbe theyl kick me out..if I dun perform..neway getting back..iv had many switches in my so called aim in life..n at points iv felt miserable bout it..back in scool..i never had dreams like ppl did..of what they wanted to be when they grow up..Miss India..Director..n ofcorse the cliché..doctor..engineer..most wanted to have a chilled out life..n the easiest thing they cud do was Commerce..prefrably in M.M.K..though I wonder how..coz I wudv failed miserably had I taken it( yeah I have a habit to underestimate myself..but still)..nehow I did think of doin all the above mentioned things at some point in my life..when I was young n saw the Miss India Pageants..on T.V..i did picture myself..i know..its a dark secret vich iv let out..but I was small..very small when I had that fantasy..the sheer respect name fame glamour was very attractive..nehow as I grew up..I realised it wasn meant for me..lol..rather I wasn meant for it..like I said I cudn think of doin commerce..n for some reason no arts as well..so my option then was science..What in science..as I got in..I realized that Biology in particular interests me..so there my dream(as I mentioned I dun dream of these things.i was day dreamin)..of becoming a doctor..i absolutely loved the thot of it..my name Dr.Dimple..my job so challenging..so respectful..i was passionate to achieve it..but again vr in a place where the competition is increasin by the nanosecond..no this time m not exagerratin..it reallie is..overpopulation bein the cause..n ofcorse evryones zest to survive in this world..sometimes I reallie feel like callin this a BAD BAD world (gulshan grover style)..nehow my dream was shattered..so now my other option..engineering..n this for a person who sucks..oh it shud be SUCKS at maths..got a score good enough to get into Chemical Engineering..the onie initial reason of getting into it was coz mebbe chem is close to bio..from vich angle..dunnno..well after I got there..i realized what it actuallie consists of..sadly nothing even remotely related to bio..it was a tough transition..a bad period..very bad one..n sum kinda determintation made me attempt my medical entrance again..but it din help..finallie I fixed my mind on doin Engg..n doin it well..i pretty much did..4 years were brilliant for me..both academically/tp wise/personally..my most cherished times..(its gonna be so for most engineers..theres sumthin bout the people v meet..all kinds from geeks to freaks..)nehow it was close to placements..n again I was apprehensive of getting into an I.T company..i said lets give it try..its good to have a back up..so there I got into Accenture..post the placement..i started getting more n more attached to Chem engg..Well wat happened next is what all of ul know..m workin at Accenture..yet anoder transition..so whatever I did for four years..m never ever gonna use it..dosent give u a good feelin..lotsa ppl do it..but I wasn ready..in the past few days..iv thot of all these aspects of my life..it sucked..i felt like a Loser..a big bloody loser..what have i bin doin..what m I gonna do after a year..do sumthin else..how many more changes..i know m supposed to have a positive attitude to things..but how can I..with all that’s happened..I dun see neother way out though..m tryin to be happie..workin hard towards achieving what I have to..yeah that’s the onie thing that’s helping me..i know this is not the appropriate time to discuss my frustrations over formal wear to office..but I just hate it..I neway have so many things keeping me stressed..the last thing I want is to look ugly..(in my eyes I do)..with those stooopid shoes..(mebbe I don’t have a rite to call them stupid..but iv bin gifted with big broad feet..n bein absolutely fussy bout what to wear..how much to spend on it..blah blah..) end result..formal pants still suck..oh ya just remem..i even thot of takin up Hockey as a profession..lol..for now a few quotes:

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

(Ok m dealin with C these days..sooo found an apt sayin..lol)

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

- Frank Zappa

(lol..makes me feel good bout the number of times iv mentioned or thot that m stupid!!)

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."

- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

(N lastly..an inspirin one for my goal..not sure of I can still call it though :( :(

Blend Of Emotions!!

Yeah I know m talkin like a grown up workin individual already..but the WEEKEND has arrived..n its bliss..n I say so coz other than today I cudn find time to write in here..:(..but I miss the week..the past week was fun..not sure if m gonna say that for the next one..but this one..yeah pretty much..met new people..gelling with them wasn sumthin I was very apprehensive bout..coz knowin my inexhausatble appetite to talk,interact,listen (ya sum ppl mite not know this..n I dun blame em..thanks to how much I blah blah..but..Im a good listener)..so I think I did pretty good..came across different people with different attributes..n I love that..coz I get to learn so much..it mite sound funnie rather not that believable if sumbody tells u that u changed in 2 days..but v had sum1 tell us that..n I kinda agree..y..how..m still ponderin on that..I was pretty much myself..then what changed..mebbe the responsibility just creeped in..i dunno..mebbe coz at most times..”ur not in college nemore”..”transition for campus to corporate”..”u probably have some1 watchin u all the time..the way u talk,sit,present urself” this is what I kept telling myself..but as the days went by..i reallie din follow it..but id still changed..n I like the change..it was understandin what I exactly wanna do n how I wanna( that’s a problem with me at most times..guess not nemore!!)..comin back to the weekend..i wanted to sleep..sleep like I never did..but I din like it(this coming from a sleep fan who can reallie enter the most sleepin competition..n for all u may know..Win it)..the week was keepin me busy..i din even realize when I slpet..I din havto spend times when id to rewind evrythin that happened durin the day..n then think endlessly leadin to suffer from insomnia..sometimes I feel what if v never reallie needed sleep..what if v cud function without doin so..so much time cudv bin utilised to do so many other things..i had a fren who tole me once that he dosent like sleepin..yeah few months back..i called him mad..how can nebody dislike sleep..its SLEEP..but ya..i know what he means now..nehow that’s a hypothetical situation so vl get back to the real world..weekends here..n m gonna make the most outa it..still have shoppin to do..i guess with what a fussy shopper I am..thats always gonna be on my to do list..din follow cricket for a few days..n to spoil the weekend..”dhoni ke dhurandaron ko hara diya…oops I mean “kumble ke dhurandharon ko”..i dun even know if they use that term..India TV/Star News/Aaj Tak..theyr hilariously informative..what was more depressin was the series of BLASTS..its like if sum1 wants to suicide..they dun need ne of the cliché methods to do so..just go to ne crowded place newhere in India n u have full chances..more so watch the news..to know where can u die next..(I din mean to make a joke outa this..but vr reallie in a sorrie state)..what the hell is happenin around..nothin..almost no place feels safe nemore..n the people who r responsible for r safety..playin the blame game..( I don’t generally follow politics..so dun have much to say)..but I wish I cud do sumthin..goin by what they show in hindi movies..a somebody from nowhere comes out n changes the world..woosh..m fantacisin again..nehow I reallie hope n pray that v live in a better safer environment..n I dunno how much it helps..but v elect these people for us..n with that I promise to go n get my voters id that iv bin neglectin since months now asap..mebbe itl help..mebbe..lets make the mood lil lighter..my weekend..what else is in store..oh yaaa..watched the most talked bout hindi movie( I say most talked coz I read Aamir Khans blogs often..n its reallie reallie the topic since days now)..Jaane Tu..Jaane Tu Yaa Jaane naaaaa..n ofcorse my day wasn’t just meant to be good..so after watchin the movie for 2:12..the cd decided not to work..lets trouble this already irritated girl..soo I dunno what happens at the end..still tryin..mebbe I shudn have watched the movie on cd at all..now what I shud catch it in a theatre to watch the end only..btw the movie is cute..sorrrie imran ur cute..but u shudv bin Pappu in the song..lol..nehow as the next week approaches..m gonna meet new people.. I liked the old ones..relatively old I mean..’Change Management’..already applyin what I learnt..n ya one thing I realized bout myself at the end of this blog..i dun express frustrations as much as before..(lil bit is allowed)..so there u go..iv changed!!

Ooops..i did wanna try n apply what I learnt in my Comm. Skills program..but il do it in the next one..for now..anoder inspirational quote:

"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything."

-- Allyson Jones

A New Chapter begins!!!

OMG!!!..the title itself is scarin me..makin me feel like suddenly theres truckloads of responsibility on me..even before I actuallie know what my profile is..m just scared..its normal..i guess..to step into a new world..vich is so so so different from the comfortable life I led till today..Firsts of evrythin important..r always memorable..i dunno how memorable this one wud be..the shoe vil definitely make it..nehow vl come back to it..okiee..the previous nite was horrible..i dunno what was I anticipatin wud happen the next day..it was first day of work..soo..m not goin for war..chill..yeah its gonna be fine..what m I gonna wear..ya I know what..evrythins ready..il look fine..shud I put on some make up..oh god!! y is it so difficult to be a girl..u boys r so fuckin lucky..wake up..gel ur hair..oil it..whatever..or dun comb at all..ok for ur jobs u mite not do that..but still..put on ur clothes..n leave..bloody..i wish I was a boy..fuughet it..that cant happen now..il wake up..lets try n reallie make this a new beginning..lets do sumthin new..umm lets see..what..yeah..il try n wake up earlier..my first job..so I rather take a shower in the morn..il feel fresh n nice..ya il do that..(ofcorse I din wake up..iv never since class 5..how wud I now..after 11 years!!!)..what else will I do..what do I do bout my hair..crapy itl look..n its so freakin wavy..n to stay there straight the whole day..impossible..fuck y m I not bald..onie temporarily..what the hell..my days gonna be bad..butterflies..twich twich..chill chill itl be fine..oh God(I,like most people think of him when in dire consequences)..God..pls put me to sleep..how long vil I be up..u better make my day good..n most definately he listened..i dunno when I fell asleep..n woke up on time..(in time not to have a bath obvio)..thanx to Airtel..i was networkless..vich is a pretty bad thing to happen when a duffer like me is gonna travel..nehow..just as I was all dolled up to begin this new journey..rain gods decided to shower their blessings on me..ofcorse y wud they stay behind..as it is I cudn manage lookin all girly..n to mess it up..blessings blessings..thank u soo much God..ur the best..n obviously it only had to piss for the two mins that I needed to get to the rick..good start to day one..neway I reached the hotel where v had the orientation sessions..i saw quite a few familiar faces..all dressed up..excited..lookin forward to their first job..to my relief I wasnt the most shabbily dressed person there..as usual I over exaggerate in my mind too..i look pretty decent..just relax..breathe in..n lets hit it..yeah I speak to myself a lot..even I discovered very recently..ok the day went by with lotsa sessions..presentations on core values of my company..I wouldv tole them to ul here..but I cant..not coz it was lil borin n looonger than expected( ul only wanna hear the fun parts of my life..dont ul??)..neway that’s not the reason..i had a dose of not obeyin the companies policies n the consequences thereafter..n dunno how much this is a part of it..but m very sincere..as opposed to lotsa people who were sleepin there (ooops was I not supposed to say this)..but I wanted to be sincere n listen..i liked the feelin..to be treated the way v were..an asset to the organisation..man they reallie cud talk..i know that’s y they were there..neway one of the speakers was exactly like me..as in he spoke like me..so obvio I liked him the most..he kept sayin sumthin..n remem sumthin else n started talking bout it..then telling us his experiences..then again getting back to the topic..n that too coza time constraints..lol..oooh n I was sincere..but I allowed myself to space out for sometime in between..n all I did then was admire the pretty chandelairs..n looked at Tiger Woods..90% stick to itiveness..10% determination..inspirin that was..so I got back to listenin..phew no1 aroun was..what a pity..nehow then there were quite a few interactive so to say..sessions..vich woke ppl up..oh ya forgot to mention the food..it was a hotel..so ya decent food..ice cream to add..n whoever had a session post lunch..poor guy!!nehow the day was good..though it din end ideally..n I dun wanna talk bout it..oooohh the one thing that’s always gonna make me remem this day is my shoes..in the attempt to look professional..n like a girl..my poor toes cudn breathe..also my recent hobby of growin my nails din help at all..conclusion I looked like a fool..limpin..n hopin that nobody is noticin me..so yeah the Shoe..i hate it..n the next day they were replaced..so that was my first day..in short..lol..yeah I cud go on..neway the beginning of day two made me feel reallie good..oh not for the fact that I dinno vich side can I take a bus to powai from..n missin the bus coza that..startin to panic..makin frantic calls when my fone selectively chooses not to dial trump nos..thanx to airtel..not knowin directions n feelin dumb bout it..its in my system now..m learnin each day..id better think that way..haan ya..the good part..well all I wanna say is..sometimes people u know do things the way u din expect them too..n the people u don’t..take u by surprise..i met one such person..so i feel good..these small things make me happie..n thank u to her..my day was very good..obviously inspite of bein sincere..n patient..i spaced out more on day two..but it was a nice day..lookin forward to tomorrow..n ya m a lil less apprehensive bout workin..takin each day as it comes!!! :) :)

Miracles Dont Happen!!!

I found it..found it..f*** I actuallie found it..yeah m talkin bout the fuckin Pan card..(I dunno y I sometimes prefer usin the f word..n sumtimes not)..but neway..i now wud wanna take back what I said earlier..’miraculous disappearance’ does not take place..I just periodically turned blind n a lil overconfident that id searched everywhere..that part of it wasn wrong..just add “properly” to it..i feel so stupid..again waste of time energy money..n this space to describe my frustration..(well I know ppl liked reading it..so that’s k) but the wasted trip..the retrip..to get a new one..gosh..so first I din have one n now il have two..wow..my fren was correct..n mebbe is still laughin..it cant walk out just like that..i din search enough..how the hell cud I not..neway I dunno if ul reallie wanna know where I finallie found it..but il tell ul neway..since ul went thru the previous torture of the search..i was just arranging evrythin for my first day at work..m very hyperactive vich ul must be knowin by now..so evrythin had to be in place..first day of work..m nervous kinda scared..its 1 a.m at nite when m writin this..i cant get sleep knowin I have an early long day ahead..but m getting addicted to doin this..dun worrie il keep it short..nehow..while doin so..i dunno why on this earth I picked up my bag..oh ya it was to see what I need to put in the new bad I bought for work..all formal n all..but had nothing in it..i dinno what to carry..so I started lookin for stuff in that one..i found a card given to me on my bday..looked at it n smiled..n suddenly I saw one chintu sa photo of mine..it was card size..poppin out from below..now what is below..what can be below..well this silly bag had a partition..n it slid thru from there..alongwith an old tissue,my convocation receipt..n the blessed PAN card..in the envelope..exactly like how I remem leavin it..btw I have good memory..so that’s the 1^st place I checked..i made the 1^st call to a fren to tell her bout this..coz the last time I was seen with that bag at her place..(oh god did I sound like I was announcing some investigation report!!)..neway I found it still stuck to the paper it comes in..brand new..n my instant reaction..u can guess..what the fuck is this piece of shit doin here..y the hell din I look for it here..but I did..neway what do I feel now..happie coz I found it..or irritated coz of all the crap I went thru..well obviously I decided not to feel happie..nehow the next thing I wanted r photocopies of the card..vich I wudn get..coz the Xerox shop dinno il find my misplaced PAN card today..nehow thanx to new technology n nice frens who use them..i managed to get photocopies..phew..ok..i have it..n I still feel stupid..n its time to kill my fren..not literally..but atleast that’s what I told him..coz he said..”tujhe mil jaayega ghar pe hee..after u apply for a new one”..n that’s the case now..i wonder how he knew..ooh n m thinking what did i achieve outa all this..btw I just saw Kismat Konnection..one time watch..nice movie..shahid is a cuteheart..n vidya balan looks fatter by the minute in the movie( I know I have no rite to call sum1 fat..but its my blog na..)..m talking like a girl..vich I dun normally do..but neway il be a critic some other time..mebbe my kismat was to find it this way..one day prior to joinin work..i still dunno what good came outa this..mebbe ul can help me!!

Dont have a title..remember its Random!!

The frustration continues..this time with myself..last time also it was but it was more with the system..now its coz m silly..unaware bout things..n in real terms..’neone can take me for a ride’..yeah this time it was the auto wala..i relied on him to get me back from Bandra kurla complex..how wud I know the way..thanx to my life revolving in and around bandra..din travel for nuts..n I hate it..i wanted to college at Jai Hind..but mommie dearest din want me to go sooooo far..yeah I know lotsa my frens have this joke of me spending my entire life here..but I love Bandra..(Bandrawww..ritely called by my frens)..its the best place to live in..mebbe v all think so bout the places v stay at..n addin to the frustration was that I had an auto ride vich was a total waste..of time n money..(time not so much imp rite now..coz I wud be sleepin at home neway)..but still..money is imp..it wasn’t alot..btw ‘a lot’ is now defined in terms of the scholarship I got..oh with the scholarship I remembered..it was one of the best moments of my life..receivin that from my principal with a grin..not dressed in the best attire I wanted to..(phew that’s a different n depressin story..vich I shall narrate later)..n it was more overwhelmin to know that my princi especially thot I deserved it..i never thot I wud feel so happpie bout what he thot..(all my fellow engineer frens know how it is..)..but I indeed do.. :) :)

Coming back to the wasted rickshaw ride..guess the auto wala was as unaware as me..dunno how many National Colleges he thinks exist here..nehow..it was for the blessed PAN fuckin card..its reallie turning out to be a PAIN card..i need it asap..all the more coz I dun wanna be kicked outa my job(job..thinkin of it I get goosebumps..but that some other time)..even before I started..my requirements for the first day at my job:

1) copy of my offer letter (thankfully I havnt yet lost that)

2) PAN card (need I say more)

3) Passport (vich I recently applied for..so I don have a hard copy)

4) My highest degree (no final degree..thanx to the university)

(this one nobody has..m just countin the number of times il havta say “no I don’t have it”)

Yeah n the most horrible part of the last week..has indeed bin the hunt for me to look all pretty n stunning..like I was receiving some Bharat ratna..but I wanted to look good..but fat people don’t have much choices..yeah m fuckin fat..n that’s led me to hate..absolutely hate shoppin..n the moment I know iv to shop..i try to find excuses..like a kid who dosent wanna have milk..n tries all possible stunts not to..i dunno how that analogy works..but I just thot of it..lol..neway the search sucked..i hate hate hate shoppin..firstly go to those shops..m picky bout my clothes I agree..n the atmosphere that iv bin brought up in..it makes me think that evrythin is overpriced..n especially the things I like..”f*** I reallie like this top..i love it infact..for a change..how much does it cost..1250”..”what the f***”..”its ok il buy it when m earnin”..”but now I have 60k with me”..but I still cant spend it..god damnit..(I know the mention of the 60k is there all the time..but its like 60k..il try not to..)so the conclusion is that m never gonna get those tops..n evrythin that I like..i don like the way I behave..n it led me to look just ok..on one of my most memorable moments..sumthin that m gonna remem all my life..its like someones telling all the FAT fuckin people on this earth.. noo u cant look pretty n hot..however badly u wanna..the clothes teasin me n sayin i din tell u to eat all the cheesy yummilicious mouth waterin junk..but m not the only one who eats em..but I hate my fuckin metabolism..God talking bout it gets me depressed..mebbe its just fat people who don wanna spend enough money on their clothes..mebbe it dosent even matter how I looked that day..coz it still is my best moments..n all this was just to I dunno what..weird I am..oh with best moments I remem..gettin nostalgic with my win for my team..my hockey team..n they liftin me up with that heavy kit on me(yeah I was the keeper)..yes I like to believe I saved my team..n led us to the win..makes me feel like a hero..I wasnt lookin my best on that day..but whats important is that I felt that m the BEST!!!..n ya my fren recently told me he likes the way I self proclaim things..wanna tell him..that m enjoyin it..more than ever now!!!

N for my dear frens..who think my blogs r looooong..i have sumthin to say..

“I make my blogs longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.”lol..lol..

And m in the mood to share a few good quotes vich match my experiences..i admire the people who think bout em..heres one for now:

“ Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain

PAN card..more like PAIN card

Disaster struck..mebbe not..I have a habit to over exaggerate things..n anoder one of panickin at every lil thing..yeah I know m disclosin my weakness to all the people who r gonna read this..but well thanx to the way I am..everyone already knows that..lol..okie getting back..losin ur PAN card is almost close to a disaster..especially if ur in India in Mumbai where u need to keep important documents proly under the pillow u sleep on..n keep checkin if everythins in place..(I don’t mean it literally..i told u I exaggerate)..but it should be as safeguarded as ur moms gold ornaments kept in a secret vault..coz if u lose/misplace/forget where u kept em in a hurry..miraculous disappearance also takes place in some cases..i dunno what happened to mine..mebbe a mix of all of em..coz I don remem where I kept it..(what a f***in dumb ass m I) I get very abusive when panickin..so get used to it..inspite of knowin all the possible pain n stress il give myself if something like that happens I still freakin forgot..It was a nice morning..i woke up with a sweet message sent from my fren vich was titled ‘5 steps to a luvly morning’..neway I wont get into that..the point was the morning infact turned to be the exact opposite..ok I don’t have quite a few important documents..passport bein the first..n id to apply for it..n I was delayin it for some good reason..neway..that led me to huntin for my PAN card vich by then was givin me a bad feelin already..coz the first n most likely place where it cudv bin there..it WASNT..n there begins all the panic..f*** f***..no..i cant go n get anoder one..i know how I got the first one..plus have so many other things to do( that thot is always there whether I have things to do or no)..the next thing I do..is I call my fren..describe what happened..n ask him for a solution..at most times he comes up with one,,n the other times he just listens to the crap I talk..i hang up..n begin the search..i search my cupboard where I think I kept it..coz iv not seen it more than once..n that place is the furthest my memory can get..i hunt in the freakin heat(my house is still an oven)..n its just addin to the chaos..my poor mom..inspite of not bein in the best of health to remem where I kept it..or rather where she did..began the search with me..i have small room..but so much stuff in it..so much not required..m not a cleanliness freak..n that explains the presence of old photo albums lyin all over the place..text books that I used in sem 3..or 4 mebbe( yeah I had a k.t in that one),a frens slam book that m supposed to fill in since 5 months now..old CAT material that is covered with dust..sets of newspapers datin one year back..a drawing folder that dosent even belong to me n is there since sem 5..n ya sem 3 books kept in a bag separately..they lie there coz the junior ditched me..n I din run after her..nehow in case if u forgot v were lookin for the PAN card..no luck as yet..my heart was racin faster..slowly I was thinking of other options..i called my fren again..he told me that in case of the extreme possibility of me not finding it..i wud havta to go the police station..what shit..what the f***..y do all these things happen to me only..God y u doin this..(mebbe I shudn drag him into this) but I need some1 to blame..neway I tried to relax n searched again..this time it was moms cupboard..i asked her the safe/typical places..n guess what she said..one of em was under the towel..ok il describe it..horizontally before placin the clothes on the shelf..she uses towels..for some weird reason..n they cud be under that..so I hunted..while I was sweatin..nothin..still nothing..i don give up easily u know..so I kept telling myself..few more bags left..it must be there..i found my moms t.y bsc certificate along with her degree from Rajasthan University..i kept glaring at it..then found her marriage photo albums..she looked like a pretty young (if I may say so) damsel..n one snap of before marriage..all moms have this one I guess..posin n talking over that baba azam ke zamaane waala phone..it was the in thing then..its my favourite..also found newspaper cuttings of me n my hockey team winnin for Bombay with the trophy n I started feelin all nostalgic...my fone rang..it was my fren..yeah the same one..n he reminded me to look for ummm..i said yeah well I am..but theres nothing..nothin remotely lookin like a PAN card..n then I saw an envelope..some ray of hope..i immediately took it out..it was the envelope of the Tax dept..yeeah yeah I said to myself..only to look further n realize it was my moms PAN card..damnit..m tired now..iv searched evry place..my moms cupboard now looks like the clothes fought amongst themselves..n not a fite..a war..woof..i tried again..6 hours had passed by..n I was still searchin..now id covered up every place..even those places where no sensible person wud keep it..i stopped at once..started lookin up for my options now on the net..”I have lost my pan card..how do I get a duplicate one” to my relief I found out that mebbe I dun havto go to the police station..in the mean time..i began to think what I wud tell the guy at the bank whom I very proudly said.’yeah I have a PAN card’..’I was stupid n careless n in my own world n I lost it’..the bank is a different story..neway with the help of frens n internet I found out the procedure for getting a duplicate one..nooo I still havnt taken the efforts to go there..its bin two days..n iv bin wakin up secretly wishin that it turns up there in my cupboard..where it shudv ideally bin..my fren on the other hand refuses to believe that iv searched enough..yeah I know..how can I blame him..for somethin I cant believe myself..’how can something get lost from ur house..”did it walk out on U!!!!!!!! ”..i dunno..i reallie don’t..the fact is that iv searched enough..n yeah il get a duplicate one soon..mebbe that vil make me feel a lil less stupid bout myself!!!

Random!!

After the overwhelmin response I received for my first ever piece of writin (tan tanaaa….. tana tana..pomp popoom..trumpets for the royal welcome..)..yeah m always so dramatic..lol..i feel I shud write more so here I go....It feels so good to sleep on ur own bed..however comfortin ne other place in the world is..sleepin in ur own place is just heaven..yes I say this coz iv spent the past week in a nice air conditioned room in the hospital vich I did enjoy secretly..coz my house is an oven..but I still looove it..

Also post my spectacular achievement..(mebbe it aint that spectacular..but I like to call it so)..iv bin receivin lotsa good wishes n lotsa “oh m so proud of u”..n “ur my best fren..so how much of the share m I getting”..n one my frens who likes to behave like a proud parent..n has proly told half the world bout my feat..but outa all of em..there was one fren who asked me what m gonna do with the money..(duhh..i mean everyone asked me what m gonna do with the money)..neway I tole him that I was gonna give it to my mom..n he said ur a “good daughter”..theres nothing oooh so outa of the box in what he said..but it just made me feel so nice..so responsible..I liked the sound of it..it brought an instant smile on my face..n since then iv bin thinkin did I do all this to be a good daughter..i mean I owe it to her..shes done way too much for me..all moms do it..besides she does like this full time job bein a housewife..neway the thing is..i mite be a good daughter..id like to think so..now that my fren made me realize that..but the thot of bein like my mom..scares the shit outa me!!!

N comin back to my hospital encounters..one thing to notice( also inferred from the nerve wreckin greys anatomy that iv bin watchin day in n day out) is that the doctors have a funnie job..they actuallie hope for people to fall sick to earn a livin..an epidemic of some sort is like a bonus for em..weird..(no offense to any doctors..coz I respect their job the most in this world)..but its still funnie..goin back to encounters..there was this man who was admitted to the hosp in the same room as my mom (sorrie I don have a cooler/bloggin type way to put this up) nehow..he complained of some kinda chest pain..i cudn see him..but cud hear him scream n yelp in pain..n all his screams were accompanied by the name he trusted wud make him alrite..Jesus..Jesus..help me Jesus..is all that he said..n somehow I started takin his name too..for a stranger..now that’s coz vr human..but I had my lil conversation with God/the power and was wonderin who got him into that position..hes not blamin him for bein there..he just needs help..to get outa there..n then my mind threw a volley of questions..Is it reallie his karma that got him there?..What does he have to do now to get outa this painful state?..Is Jesus gonna help him? No I dunno the answers to these questions..but then these situations reallie make me think..think hard of what I believe in..n its left me confused..unstable once again!!!

Just Like That

Ok I don’t exactly know y m here..but seems like evry1 blogs these days..n my recent boredom has forced me to think a lil..but for all my fellow bloggers who r gonna read this for sure..ul rnt allowed to expect the kinda blogs ul write..i don write..infact I suck at it..so theres gonna be no themes..no saadharan n asaadharan stuff..no voices in my head speaking with deep emotion here..its gonna be just me..sayin whatever I feel randomly..so..comin back to not writin..i don even read..the no of books iv read can be counted with my fingers..so u can imagine..n ya still inspires me to write(how silly of me na..to dream of bein this big writer..n touchin ppls lives in some way..)but neway m allowed to have my fantasies..

Well recently iv bin havin this weird feelin of empathisin with evry1 aroun me..i mean its funnie at times u know..the other day the liftman in the hospital(ohh there vil be lotsa hospital incidents described further..coz that’s where iv bin spending most of my time dese days..)so the liftman..he was just tired of his job..so he kept bangin doors in his attempt to remove his frustration..he did end up frustratin other ppl instead..n besides its a hospital..soo….but I somehow tend to understand both the sides..although I did get irked at his behaviour..imagine shuttin doors all the freakin time..the whole damn day..n the nurses n the other maids who take care of the sick patients..it reallie needs some kinda extreme emotion..somethin that I cant put in words..to nurse ppl n clean their shit..i mean even if I wudv bin paid 10 times the amount they do..i still wudn do their job..it needs more recognition than what it already has..( I know m soundin like munnabhai n all..but its true..when u see em work that way..u wanna give em a “jaadu ki jappi”)

It was just a moment back that I was grieving n cribbin..well we all grieve n crib..(I just do it a lil more than others..n this time with reason)..n the hospital atmosphere was addin to it..n the next moment..the world seemed like a different place to live in..life took a 360 degree turn..it was one sheet of paper which changed my entire way of livin n thinking..that paper vich said that I have bin rewarded for my hard work n perseverance..n dude rewarded more than handsomely for it..i read it repeatedly..a million times..over a over again..it read my name..n the amount..those were the only two things I saw..they came out poppin then they were twirling..i still cudnt believe it..i love these kinda surprises..iv prayed hard..reallie hard at most times..but never for sumthin like that..besides iv prayed I dunno to whom..coz at most times m always fightin with myself for the very existence of God..n its like this challenge that I put in front of him..every time m in trouble..oh m still not sure if its him..or its some power that rules the world..the power that makes us believe that things will turn out well in the end..soo I still dunno if I am agnostic..woof (agnosticism itself involves doubt n speculation)..n m doubtful bout that too..so u can imagine how bad it is..but I guess lotsa ppl feel in a similar way..so m not crazy to think thatway..cumin back to the challenge..God or that power..whatever it is..always wins it..makes me reinstill my hidden faith..the always fluctuatin faith..i think it shud stop now atleast..n for every person who has felt dejected in life..i wanna share this with you all..

"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."

N ya I may sound silly but I wanna thank everyone whose tolerated my cribbin..not so happie..pessimistic days n made me feel that I can achieve sumthin..well I din make a conscious effort to achieve this..but hell its still an ACHIEVEMENT rite..

Also sorrrie for the waverin of the topics from the hospital to this..but m just too happpie..n besides I did warn that its gonna be totallie random..so I can write nethin newhere!!!