The Beginnin..or the End......

Ironically the worst ever week for the people of Mumbai was somehow a pretty damn good week for me.. though I hate to say it..coz I completely mourn the terror struck situation n pray for every single person who was affected by it in some way or the other..either people they knew were in there..or weren’t there nemore..n for the rest..those images of people losing their loved ones took a shiver down their spine..nehow a lot has bin spoken till date bout it..so m not gonna start givin out my views bout it..I just simply feel like any other mumbaikar did in that situation..

Coming back to why and how my week was good..well coz I just got away from my otherwise so to say dreary life..met new people..who treated me like I was the queen of someplace..it feels good to feel that way..especially when I din havto worry bout wat m doin in life..y..n all those mindscrewin questions vich have bin troubling most of my frens..(vich by the way makes me feel good..lol..i mean its good to know wen some1 shares the same feelin)..umm more bout that mebber later!

It just struck me suddenly while I was watchin my favorite TV series..ONE TREE HILL..(I strongly recommend people to watch it)..coz I never thot that a TV series cud affect me so much n that too in sucha Biiiiiiig way..I generally don’t give much thought when out of frustration I think of dying..leavin this place n endin the misery..somehow the darker side of death never reallie came into the picture..it was only yesterday when one of the characters died..I could actuallie feel the pain..my life just went into rewind mode..to think of the 22 years iv spent..n how easily to escape outa nething I said..”Y don’t I just die before I have to do this”..this feelin now is just not sinkin in..cant imagine wat it wud be in the other world..the world vich is very much debated about..Heaven..Hell..rebirth..bein reborn as somebody else..payin for what I did in this world..thinkin bout it scares me to death..oops I don’t even know what death is doin here in this saying again..neway getting closer to this feeling of death has made me realize the worth of things around me..the people who love me so much..n the ones who love me not so much..either vich way..I want these ppl to be with me..till eternity..(m now even skeptical to use that word..coz m still in the process of understandin the deeper sense of the word..)

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore?
If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?

Whatever you imagined is wrong. Theres nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields but I’m jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can.

(Quentin Fields is the character..n yes I havnt written it on my own..this n the ones to follow r quotes from the series)

Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are your rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you could but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill amid seas. For reason, running alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

They say we leave this world just the way we came into it ---- naked and alone.
So, if we do leave with nothing, What then, is a measure of a life ? Is it defined by the people we choose to love ?
Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments ?
And what if we fail ? or are never truly loved ? What then ? Can we ever measure up ?
Or will the quiet desperation of a life gone wanting, Drive us mad ?

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.

I just love these quotes coz every single one of them makes so much sense..helps me feel better coz its like some1s givin words to my thoughts..I just love them..with what I remem anoder experience that I recently had….

There was an uncanny sense of fulfillment..in the eyes of several thousands of people who looked at him like he was the Messiah..there were tears in my eyes too..but they were for a different reason..a reason vich I still cant figure out..sometimes I think mebbe I was just jealous of the fact that people around me..some several lakh people..so strongly believe in things that are just so difficult to interpret in my case..there was something in His eyes..somethin so visionary..somethin that gave me goosebumps..the thot of life after death had bin brooding over after watchin my favorite series..n bang on..he started talking bout it..He is extremely learned..well read..aware n mebbe m just too naïve to even describe Him..He spoke on a lot of topics includin..knowledge and Understandin..achievin an objective in life n the broader picture..implementation..meditation..Death..n its after life..n m just still so curious to know..how he strengthened his beliefs..how was He so certain..that there is a life beyond this one..n that v are answerable to somebody bout whatever v do here in this life..he spoke with conviction..like somebody he knew came down from up above n told him that..(that may sound ridiculous)..but I reallie adore the confidence He has..n for this assurance people form all religions..from all over India could do nethin just for a glance..vich also reminds me of my mom became a follower of His preachings..n I swear if it was nebody else other than my mom..tellin me this incident..i wouldn’t believe it..so the story goes..wen she was young..just before she got married..she happened to attend one of the satsangs..n unlike the number of people that follow him now..there were fewer..n as a matter of luck..fate..destiny or whatever u call it..she happened to stand by rite where his car passed from..his window was open..(the minute detail m providing..coz now its almost impossible for u to have a look at him even for a second..without goin thru a possible stampede!)..nehow she looked at him..his gaze pierced rite thru hers..n there was somethin divine about it..n my mom who was a total Non vegetarian( one of his preachings include not killin animals)..for all those who know my mommie now..wud totallie not believe this..but she got home that particular day..n from then on..she just din wanna see the site of it..she just saw him..ONCE..n she dinno nethin much bout Him before that..how can somebody influence u soo much..n that too in hardly a minute or mebbe less..I was totallie taken aback..i wanna believe my mom..but there is this weird sense of instability in me..vich keeps takin me back n forth..I just hope that someday I have things sorted out!!