The Beginnin..or the End......

Ironically the worst ever week for the people of Mumbai was somehow a pretty damn good week for me.. though I hate to say it..coz I completely mourn the terror struck situation n pray for every single person who was affected by it in some way or the other..either people they knew were in there..or weren’t there nemore..n for the rest..those images of people losing their loved ones took a shiver down their spine..nehow a lot has bin spoken till date bout it..so m not gonna start givin out my views bout it..I just simply feel like any other mumbaikar did in that situation..

Coming back to why and how my week was good..well coz I just got away from my otherwise so to say dreary life..met new people..who treated me like I was the queen of someplace..it feels good to feel that way..especially when I din havto worry bout wat m doin in life..y..n all those mindscrewin questions vich have bin troubling most of my frens..(vich by the way makes me feel good..lol..i mean its good to know wen some1 shares the same feelin)..umm more bout that mebber later!

It just struck me suddenly while I was watchin my favorite TV series..ONE TREE HILL..(I strongly recommend people to watch it)..coz I never thot that a TV series cud affect me so much n that too in sucha Biiiiiiig way..I generally don’t give much thought when out of frustration I think of dying..leavin this place n endin the misery..somehow the darker side of death never reallie came into the picture..it was only yesterday when one of the characters died..I could actuallie feel the pain..my life just went into rewind mode..to think of the 22 years iv spent..n how easily to escape outa nething I said..”Y don’t I just die before I have to do this”..this feelin now is just not sinkin in..cant imagine wat it wud be in the other world..the world vich is very much debated about..Heaven..Hell..rebirth..bein reborn as somebody else..payin for what I did in this world..thinkin bout it scares me to death..oops I don’t even know what death is doin here in this saying again..neway getting closer to this feeling of death has made me realize the worth of things around me..the people who love me so much..n the ones who love me not so much..either vich way..I want these ppl to be with me..till eternity..(m now even skeptical to use that word..coz m still in the process of understandin the deeper sense of the word..)

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore?
If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?

Whatever you imagined is wrong. Theres nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn’t know Quentin Fields but I’m jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved. People say Quentin Fields was a great basketball player. Graceful. Fluid. Inspiring. They say on a good night it almost seemed as though he could fly. And now he can.

(Quentin Fields is the character..n yes I havnt written it on my own..this n the ones to follow r quotes from the series)

Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are your rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you could but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill amid seas. For reason, running alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction."

They say we leave this world just the way we came into it ---- naked and alone.
So, if we do leave with nothing, What then, is a measure of a life ? Is it defined by the people we choose to love ?
Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments ?
And what if we fail ? or are never truly loved ? What then ? Can we ever measure up ?
Or will the quiet desperation of a life gone wanting, Drive us mad ?

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.

I just love these quotes coz every single one of them makes so much sense..helps me feel better coz its like some1s givin words to my thoughts..I just love them..with what I remem anoder experience that I recently had….

There was an uncanny sense of fulfillment..in the eyes of several thousands of people who looked at him like he was the Messiah..there were tears in my eyes too..but they were for a different reason..a reason vich I still cant figure out..sometimes I think mebbe I was just jealous of the fact that people around me..some several lakh people..so strongly believe in things that are just so difficult to interpret in my case..there was something in His eyes..somethin so visionary..somethin that gave me goosebumps..the thot of life after death had bin brooding over after watchin my favorite series..n bang on..he started talking bout it..He is extremely learned..well read..aware n mebbe m just too naïve to even describe Him..He spoke on a lot of topics includin..knowledge and Understandin..achievin an objective in life n the broader picture..implementation..meditation..Death..n its after life..n m just still so curious to know..how he strengthened his beliefs..how was He so certain..that there is a life beyond this one..n that v are answerable to somebody bout whatever v do here in this life..he spoke with conviction..like somebody he knew came down from up above n told him that..(that may sound ridiculous)..but I reallie adore the confidence He has..n for this assurance people form all religions..from all over India could do nethin just for a glance..vich also reminds me of my mom became a follower of His preachings..n I swear if it was nebody else other than my mom..tellin me this incident..i wouldn’t believe it..so the story goes..wen she was young..just before she got married..she happened to attend one of the satsangs..n unlike the number of people that follow him now..there were fewer..n as a matter of luck..fate..destiny or whatever u call it..she happened to stand by rite where his car passed from..his window was open..(the minute detail m providing..coz now its almost impossible for u to have a look at him even for a second..without goin thru a possible stampede!)..nehow she looked at him..his gaze pierced rite thru hers..n there was somethin divine about it..n my mom who was a total Non vegetarian( one of his preachings include not killin animals)..for all those who know my mommie now..wud totallie not believe this..but she got home that particular day..n from then on..she just din wanna see the site of it..she just saw him..ONCE..n she dinno nethin much bout Him before that..how can somebody influence u soo much..n that too in hardly a minute or mebbe less..I was totallie taken aback..i wanna believe my mom..but there is this weird sense of instability in me..vich keeps takin me back n forth..I just hope that someday I have things sorted out!!

Blahh!!

Its bin quite a while since something meaningful happened in life..n so I have thots randomly swimming in the pool of Nowhere..(I have no idea wat that meant)..thats my opinion at most things m doin these days..its good to tell urself that ur gonna make good use of ur time..n end up doin absolutely the OPPosite!! Umm lets see..from wat happened in the past few days..the interestin story wud be that of my POD bein lost miraculously..yet again one more thing..similar to my Pan Card..but this time I still havnt located it..n neither m I gonna write an entry here on the search..coz it was pretty much similar..but wat I miss the most..is the MUSICCC..especially wen m travellin..Iv bin cursing like never before..cursing the person who took my ipod..neway talking of it makes me depressed..oooh with depressed I remembered..how unfair God could be..my conclusions r based on something..rather someone iv seen work selflessly toward humanity..spirituality for almost all his life..Ok it’s a lil long..but its reallie left me ponderin over the existence of U..dear God..yet again..( I knoe it sounds weird to keep swingin with emotions n beliefs like they were on a see-saw!!! wow..the first metaphor I used..) nehow..this uncle whom I have fond memories of as the person who gave me 15 rupees n chocolates for reciting certain prayers on Guru nanak Jayanti ever since iv bin a kid..my heart skipped a beat wen I heard that he met with an accident and was in a coma all this while..n has lost his memory..n had to be bot on a wheel chair to attend the ceremony this year..i cudn even see him yesterday..but wat kinda explanation do u provide for this..wat did he do to deserve all this..mebbe I get too personal..n the bucket of emotions in me just overflow..n mebbe thousands of ppl face similar situations everyday..but I cudn stop..i went there to pray for myself..n all I cud think of is This!!! M still waitin to think the rite way..to know wat to believe in..

To make things a lil lighter n not talk of my unanswerable questions..the thing to rejoice is that I finallie have a Lavender room!!..n yea..iv bin reading My Country My life by L.K.Advani n I must say that guy has truckloads of information..m not quite the appropriate person to give a book review..n that too on a topic vich so strongly reflects Politics..(vich I fail to figure out)..the first part of his book..whether or not he aimed at it..is bout Sindhis n how great they were..( so non-sindhis may not love his continual praise)..but I enjoyed it..he mentioned a lot bout partition..n sumwhere in between “Radha Soami” “Guru Nanak” “Dama dam mast kalandar” “K.C college” “Shabad” “Akhand paath” “Nij Thanw”..familair words n places for me..i cud relate to it..n felt a lil proud to be a Sindhi with all that’s in it..k enough bout the book..I spent a lot of time with my nephew..my bestest person..n he shocked me for the amount of things he knows..i wish I was born now..(But well then I wudn be writin this rite now)..n yea iv bin a lot into F.R.I.E.N.D.S lately..n I feel sad to know that How i MeT Your Mother dosent quite feel original now..(everyone who wants to debate on that is welcome)..n yea durin my travel time..Iv bin rather observant..not outa choice..its coz I cant fall asleep like everyone else..ssoo..random thots again..”Its not important how Fast u get there..its important Where u get to”..is wat I saw..n wondered wat if its too late..n m not suppossed to be where I am(mebbe its not applicable everywhere)..gosh..went into deep thinking crap..n stopped again..”U want a great banking experience..vr 100 mtrs down the road”..vich reminded me of goin to my bank..n thinking of all the Finance aspect..vich I Hate..so then I chucked that as well..”Sai Service”..ooh that’s where v met up to go for the Paraag Chitale trip..oh that was fun..n also embarassin..now m not gonna say y..yesss I finallie recognize roads..”Fashion ka hai yeh Jalwa”..yea liked that movie..”If u were an actor..u wud do nethin to be rated by them..Flicks n Chicks..sumthin..”..”Dostana out on 14^th November”..fuck priyanka looks super hot here..i havto see the movie..(John is the real reason actuallie..:P)..”Yoko now in thakur complex”..Damn iv hardly even bin to the one next to my place..but I wanna eat sumthin now..not the canteen food..sigh sigh*..”Ladies Beauty Salon..open all days”..this sounds good..can use it durin emergencies..though its situated inside this biiiig building..n no1 even knows bout it..”...sigh reached office now..

After all the thinking one thing that came to my mind was..We wudn know how Good the Good is..unless there is no Bad..so mebbe all the bad things happen for a reason..but the way they happen..n the ppl they happen to is still not justified in my mind!!!

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Yea I dunno in hell wat that means..coz sometimes u cant define certain things..n the most difficult thing for me..is to title my blog..coz it mostly consists of random shit( excuse me for the language..y m I excusing..my blog..i cud write shit..or some more shit that I want)..or mebbe m just not creative enough..n mebbe I stole the idea from sumbody..i dun care nemore..m just back to wonderin y have I left my brains to rust all this while..its ironical..wen I din have the time to breathe..i had this looooong list of things to do..n now wen I have all the time in this world..m not doin a single thing outa it..stupid as it sounds..m just..i dunno..i dun even know wat to say..its like I was in this phase of Sem 9..where id kinda forgotten wat I actuallie wanna do in life..n now its slowly sinking in again..wen I even overhear ppl bout “Where do u see urself five years from now”…my mind throws a volley of questions to me..”Where the fuck m I gonna be 2 months from now”..”Do I have ne damn idea”..”Is this wat u always wanted to do”..”What did u wanna do in the first place”..”Gosh can v not have this conversation”..”But I need to..iv bin avoidin it for long now”..”But where the hell do I start??”..Lets see..”Do I dream”..of bein sumthin..someone..

I dunno only if I got ne proper dreams that I remember..vich reminds me one of my frens actuallie does remem her dreams..isn that cool..well for most times even I do..but its in a different form..i have this feelin of Déjà vu..its a strong strong feelin..i get it all the time..n until my forever handy google made me realize that it’s the most common experience n about 70% ppl experience it..i was happie that there was sumthin amazin bout my dreams..nehow..my excitement was vitiated wen a theory also suggested that it cud be due to one eye foreseeing the events a fraction of a seconds before the other..wooosh..sumthin like that actuallie happens!! Ofcorse the more stronger one has sumthin to do with the two hemispheres..cerebral I mean..its amazing how science proves certain myths so haywire..anoder interesting documentary that I recently saw..was bout the Bermuda Triangle..n it still lies an unsolved mystery..its called the Devils Triangle..Its the region between Bermuda,Miami and Peurto Rico where a number of air crafts n ships are alleged to have disappeared..Some people have claimed that these disappearances fall beyond the boundaries of human error or acts of nature. Popular culture has attributed some of these disappearances to the paranormal, a suspension of the laws of physics, or activity by extraterrestrial beings.But there again v have science n technology..provin them wrong or at least in an effort to do so.. It has been hypothesized that periodic methane eruptions (sometimes called "mud volcanoes") may produce regions of frothy water that are no longer capable of providing adequate buoyancy for ships. If this were the case, such an area forming around a ship could cause it to sink very rapidly and without warning..Wow..dosent that sound convincing..Ofcorse there were other explanations provided vich proved that mebbe it’s coz of human error..but then lack of wreckage dosent quite convince me on that one..but wat an interesting job it wud be..to unravel the mystery of the inexplicable Bermuda Triangle..

Pheww..too much into physics..but its an exciting thing to do..atleast sounds that way..the end of this gets me back to the conversation I was havin with my conscience..well looks like its yet anoder “later” coming my way..:(

Life..Love..n more Love!!

Karma!!! Its what I finallie completely believe in..its somethin that has bin troubling for me looong now..n recently an instance in my life has reconfirmed my belief..my dialogue with the power that controls us is endless..m sure there r millions of ppl with me doin the same..not everyone is as lucky as me..now now I know ul wanna know what was that incident..but had I wanted to talk bout it..i wudv already blurted it out by now..nehow post this discovery..I dun feel the void in me or atleast its lessened (gosh I can never be happie with wat iv got..still want more!!!)

Though wat iv written previously is not related to wat m writin now..but wat the hell..i like bein random..dunno y m justifyin..nehow my recent travelling trips to office (theyr trips for a person whose never gotten outa bandra)..i listen to lotsa music on my pod..like most travellers..its a savior from all the shitloads of traffic..annoyin frustratin looong hours of doin nothing..neway..while I was listenin..my pod started to play..’Sutta’..n it just got me all nostalgic..took away all the possible cribbin that was goin on in my mind..bot an instant smile to my face..started to think of the brilliant times I had in college..singin this song..wat I now thot of is..y do v looove this song so much..i mean all he does is abuses..says it in different ways..but uses the same Ben****..Ma****..but the lives that v all have..in vich ever phase it is..be it college or at work..feels so wonderful to remove ur frustration that way..ne sane person wud reallie think m mad..but m not alone..there r no sane ppl left..lol..( n for all those ppl who still havnt heard the song..ul r reallie missin something!!)

The other song that’s my all time favourite is..ul vil know shortly..coz I wanna share the lyrics here..for all u ppl whov already heard the song..want ul to feel the lyrics..esp if ul r guys!! Here I gooooo

Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?

Written by: B. Adams / M. Kamen / R.J. Lange

To really love a woman

To understand her - you gotta know hre deep inside

Hear every thought - see every dream

N give her wings when she wants to fly

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms

Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she’s really wanted

When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one

Cuz she needs somebody to tell her that it’s gonna last forever

So tell me have you really – really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman

Let her hold you – til ya know how she needs to be touched

You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her

Til you can feel her in your blood

N’ when you see your unborn children in her eyes

Ya know ya really love a woman

Yeah for all those people who think m a die hard romantic..well well..m not hopelessly romantic..but every word of this song makes a lot of sense..most girls (normal ones)..vil agree with me..n since m highly addicted to the One Tree Hill series vich revolves around the most ineffable,purest,consecrated emotion..Love..qoutin something from there..

"At this moment, there are 6 billion, 4 hundred, 71 million, 8 hundred, 18 thousand, 6 hundred, 71 people in the world. Some are running scared.. some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day.. others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good.. struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls -- and sometimes.. all you need is 1."

"You ever heard the expression 'The best things in live are free.' Well that expression is true.' Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

Lastly Id like to be a critic again..since the one good thing I did in the weekend vich by the way was horrible..rather not think of it..haan..good thing..i saw Rock On..vich totallie rocked..evrythin the music..the performances..( I hate to say this..Rampal ur a hottie..but just wished u cud act as well!)..n since I also analyse a lot these days..recent hobby..there were many parts in the movie when I hated Farhan..i mean his character..but then I realised that he was just bein practical..takin actions according to the need of the situation..he wasn goody goody at all times..but then life dosent always let u be that way..even if u try..try very hard to!!!

Goin Gol Gol with Goals!!

My sabbatical in the past two weeks made me realize how much I missed writin in here..but my life has bin busy..busier than I ever imagined..whether I like it or no..m still unable to decide..the past weeks have bin difficult for me..i wanted the pages of my new chapter to be nice..n bright..n pleasant to look back at..but obvio that’s not what its always gonna be..(mebbe I do so coz I think m not gifted like lotsa ppl..)..but iv thot so much in the past few days..sometimes ur soo clueless bout what ur doin..its not even funnie..at most of my sessions at work..(btw I dun work yet..m on trainin..difficult to explain to ppl when they ask..’Hows work’..)..the most scariest part is that mebbe m not gonna be here..doin this job..mebbe theyl kick me out..if I dun perform..neway getting back..iv had many switches in my so called aim in life..n at points iv felt miserable bout it..back in scool..i never had dreams like ppl did..of what they wanted to be when they grow up..Miss India..Director..n ofcorse the cliché..doctor..engineer..most wanted to have a chilled out life..n the easiest thing they cud do was Commerce..prefrably in M.M.K..though I wonder how..coz I wudv failed miserably had I taken it( yeah I have a habit to underestimate myself..but still)..nehow I did think of doin all the above mentioned things at some point in my life..when I was young n saw the Miss India Pageants..on T.V..i did picture myself..i know..its a dark secret vich iv let out..but I was small..very small when I had that fantasy..the sheer respect name fame glamour was very attractive..nehow as I grew up..I realised it wasn meant for me..lol..rather I wasn meant for it..like I said I cudn think of doin commerce..n for some reason no arts as well..so my option then was science..What in science..as I got in..I realized that Biology in particular interests me..so there my dream(as I mentioned I dun dream of these things.i was day dreamin)..of becoming a doctor..i absolutely loved the thot of it..my name Dr.Dimple..my job so challenging..so respectful..i was passionate to achieve it..but again vr in a place where the competition is increasin by the nanosecond..no this time m not exagerratin..it reallie is..overpopulation bein the cause..n ofcorse evryones zest to survive in this world..sometimes I reallie feel like callin this a BAD BAD world (gulshan grover style)..nehow my dream was shattered..so now my other option..engineering..n this for a person who sucks..oh it shud be SUCKS at maths..got a score good enough to get into Chemical Engineering..the onie initial reason of getting into it was coz mebbe chem is close to bio..from vich angle..dunnno..well after I got there..i realized what it actuallie consists of..sadly nothing even remotely related to bio..it was a tough transition..a bad period..very bad one..n sum kinda determintation made me attempt my medical entrance again..but it din help..finallie I fixed my mind on doin Engg..n doin it well..i pretty much did..4 years were brilliant for me..both academically/tp wise/personally..my most cherished times..(its gonna be so for most engineers..theres sumthin bout the people v meet..all kinds from geeks to freaks..)nehow it was close to placements..n again I was apprehensive of getting into an I.T company..i said lets give it try..its good to have a back up..so there I got into Accenture..post the placement..i started getting more n more attached to Chem engg..Well wat happened next is what all of ul know..m workin at Accenture..yet anoder transition..so whatever I did for four years..m never ever gonna use it..dosent give u a good feelin..lotsa ppl do it..but I wasn ready..in the past few days..iv thot of all these aspects of my life..it sucked..i felt like a Loser..a big bloody loser..what have i bin doin..what m I gonna do after a year..do sumthin else..how many more changes..i know m supposed to have a positive attitude to things..but how can I..with all that’s happened..I dun see neother way out though..m tryin to be happie..workin hard towards achieving what I have to..yeah that’s the onie thing that’s helping me..i know this is not the appropriate time to discuss my frustrations over formal wear to office..but I just hate it..I neway have so many things keeping me stressed..the last thing I want is to look ugly..(in my eyes I do)..with those stooopid shoes..(mebbe I don’t have a rite to call them stupid..but iv bin gifted with big broad feet..n bein absolutely fussy bout what to wear..how much to spend on it..blah blah..) end result..formal pants still suck..oh ya just remem..i even thot of takin up Hockey as a profession..lol..for now a few quotes:

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

(Ok m dealin with C these days..sooo found an apt sayin..lol)

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

- Frank Zappa

(lol..makes me feel good bout the number of times iv mentioned or thot that m stupid!!)

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."

- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

(N lastly..an inspirin one for my goal..not sure of I can still call it though :( :(

Blend Of Emotions!!

Yeah I know m talkin like a grown up workin individual already..but the WEEKEND has arrived..n its bliss..n I say so coz other than today I cudn find time to write in here..:(..but I miss the week..the past week was fun..not sure if m gonna say that for the next one..but this one..yeah pretty much..met new people..gelling with them wasn sumthin I was very apprehensive bout..coz knowin my inexhausatble appetite to talk,interact,listen (ya sum ppl mite not know this..n I dun blame em..thanks to how much I blah blah..but..Im a good listener)..so I think I did pretty good..came across different people with different attributes..n I love that..coz I get to learn so much..it mite sound funnie rather not that believable if sumbody tells u that u changed in 2 days..but v had sum1 tell us that..n I kinda agree..y..how..m still ponderin on that..I was pretty much myself..then what changed..mebbe the responsibility just creeped in..i dunno..mebbe coz at most times..”ur not in college nemore”..”transition for campus to corporate”..”u probably have some1 watchin u all the time..the way u talk,sit,present urself” this is what I kept telling myself..but as the days went by..i reallie din follow it..but id still changed..n I like the change..it was understandin what I exactly wanna do n how I wanna( that’s a problem with me at most times..guess not nemore!!)..comin back to the weekend..i wanted to sleep..sleep like I never did..but I din like it(this coming from a sleep fan who can reallie enter the most sleepin competition..n for all u may know..Win it)..the week was keepin me busy..i din even realize when I slpet..I din havto spend times when id to rewind evrythin that happened durin the day..n then think endlessly leadin to suffer from insomnia..sometimes I feel what if v never reallie needed sleep..what if v cud function without doin so..so much time cudv bin utilised to do so many other things..i had a fren who tole me once that he dosent like sleepin..yeah few months back..i called him mad..how can nebody dislike sleep..its SLEEP..but ya..i know what he means now..nehow that’s a hypothetical situation so vl get back to the real world..weekends here..n m gonna make the most outa it..still have shoppin to do..i guess with what a fussy shopper I am..thats always gonna be on my to do list..din follow cricket for a few days..n to spoil the weekend..”dhoni ke dhurandaron ko hara diya…oops I mean “kumble ke dhurandharon ko”..i dun even know if they use that term..India TV/Star News/Aaj Tak..theyr hilariously informative..what was more depressin was the series of BLASTS..its like if sum1 wants to suicide..they dun need ne of the cliché methods to do so..just go to ne crowded place newhere in India n u have full chances..more so watch the news..to know where can u die next..(I din mean to make a joke outa this..but vr reallie in a sorrie state)..what the hell is happenin around..nothin..almost no place feels safe nemore..n the people who r responsible for r safety..playin the blame game..( I don’t generally follow politics..so dun have much to say)..but I wish I cud do sumthin..goin by what they show in hindi movies..a somebody from nowhere comes out n changes the world..woosh..m fantacisin again..nehow I reallie hope n pray that v live in a better safer environment..n I dunno how much it helps..but v elect these people for us..n with that I promise to go n get my voters id that iv bin neglectin since months now asap..mebbe itl help..mebbe..lets make the mood lil lighter..my weekend..what else is in store..oh yaaa..watched the most talked bout hindi movie( I say most talked coz I read Aamir Khans blogs often..n its reallie reallie the topic since days now)..Jaane Tu..Jaane Tu Yaa Jaane naaaaa..n ofcorse my day wasn’t just meant to be good..so after watchin the movie for 2:12..the cd decided not to work..lets trouble this already irritated girl..soo I dunno what happens at the end..still tryin..mebbe I shudn have watched the movie on cd at all..now what I shud catch it in a theatre to watch the end only..btw the movie is cute..sorrrie imran ur cute..but u shudv bin Pappu in the song..lol..nehow as the next week approaches..m gonna meet new people.. I liked the old ones..relatively old I mean..’Change Management’..already applyin what I learnt..n ya one thing I realized bout myself at the end of this blog..i dun express frustrations as much as before..(lil bit is allowed)..so there u go..iv changed!!

Ooops..i did wanna try n apply what I learnt in my Comm. Skills program..but il do it in the next one..for now..anoder inspirational quote:

"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything."

-- Allyson Jones

A New Chapter begins!!!

OMG!!!..the title itself is scarin me..makin me feel like suddenly theres truckloads of responsibility on me..even before I actuallie know what my profile is..m just scared..its normal..i guess..to step into a new world..vich is so so so different from the comfortable life I led till today..Firsts of evrythin important..r always memorable..i dunno how memorable this one wud be..the shoe vil definitely make it..nehow vl come back to it..okiee..the previous nite was horrible..i dunno what was I anticipatin wud happen the next day..it was first day of work..soo..m not goin for war..chill..yeah its gonna be fine..what m I gonna wear..ya I know what..evrythins ready..il look fine..shud I put on some make up..oh god!! y is it so difficult to be a girl..u boys r so fuckin lucky..wake up..gel ur hair..oil it..whatever..or dun comb at all..ok for ur jobs u mite not do that..but still..put on ur clothes..n leave..bloody..i wish I was a boy..fuughet it..that cant happen now..il wake up..lets try n reallie make this a new beginning..lets do sumthin new..umm lets see..what..yeah..il try n wake up earlier..my first job..so I rather take a shower in the morn..il feel fresh n nice..ya il do that..(ofcorse I din wake up..iv never since class 5..how wud I now..after 11 years!!!)..what else will I do..what do I do bout my hair..crapy itl look..n its so freakin wavy..n to stay there straight the whole day..impossible..fuck y m I not bald..onie temporarily..what the hell..my days gonna be bad..butterflies..twich twich..chill chill itl be fine..oh God(I,like most people think of him when in dire consequences)..God..pls put me to sleep..how long vil I be up..u better make my day good..n most definately he listened..i dunno when I fell asleep..n woke up on time..(in time not to have a bath obvio)..thanx to Airtel..i was networkless..vich is a pretty bad thing to happen when a duffer like me is gonna travel..nehow..just as I was all dolled up to begin this new journey..rain gods decided to shower their blessings on me..ofcorse y wud they stay behind..as it is I cudn manage lookin all girly..n to mess it up..blessings blessings..thank u soo much God..ur the best..n obviously it only had to piss for the two mins that I needed to get to the rick..good start to day one..neway I reached the hotel where v had the orientation sessions..i saw quite a few familiar faces..all dressed up..excited..lookin forward to their first job..to my relief I wasnt the most shabbily dressed person there..as usual I over exaggerate in my mind too..i look pretty decent..just relax..breathe in..n lets hit it..yeah I speak to myself a lot..even I discovered very recently..ok the day went by with lotsa sessions..presentations on core values of my company..I wouldv tole them to ul here..but I cant..not coz it was lil borin n looonger than expected( ul only wanna hear the fun parts of my life..dont ul??)..neway that’s not the reason..i had a dose of not obeyin the companies policies n the consequences thereafter..n dunno how much this is a part of it..but m very sincere..as opposed to lotsa people who were sleepin there (ooops was I not supposed to say this)..but I wanted to be sincere n listen..i liked the feelin..to be treated the way v were..an asset to the organisation..man they reallie cud talk..i know that’s y they were there..neway one of the speakers was exactly like me..as in he spoke like me..so obvio I liked him the most..he kept sayin sumthin..n remem sumthin else n started talking bout it..then telling us his experiences..then again getting back to the topic..n that too coza time constraints..lol..oooh n I was sincere..but I allowed myself to space out for sometime in between..n all I did then was admire the pretty chandelairs..n looked at Tiger Woods..90% stick to itiveness..10% determination..inspirin that was..so I got back to listenin..phew no1 aroun was..what a pity..nehow then there were quite a few interactive so to say..sessions..vich woke ppl up..oh ya forgot to mention the food..it was a hotel..so ya decent food..ice cream to add..n whoever had a session post lunch..poor guy!!nehow the day was good..though it din end ideally..n I dun wanna talk bout it..oooohh the one thing that’s always gonna make me remem this day is my shoes..in the attempt to look professional..n like a girl..my poor toes cudn breathe..also my recent hobby of growin my nails din help at all..conclusion I looked like a fool..limpin..n hopin that nobody is noticin me..so yeah the Shoe..i hate it..n the next day they were replaced..so that was my first day..in short..lol..yeah I cud go on..neway the beginning of day two made me feel reallie good..oh not for the fact that I dinno vich side can I take a bus to powai from..n missin the bus coza that..startin to panic..makin frantic calls when my fone selectively chooses not to dial trump nos..thanx to airtel..not knowin directions n feelin dumb bout it..its in my system now..m learnin each day..id better think that way..haan ya..the good part..well all I wanna say is..sometimes people u know do things the way u din expect them too..n the people u don’t..take u by surprise..i met one such person..so i feel good..these small things make me happie..n thank u to her..my day was very good..obviously inspite of bein sincere..n patient..i spaced out more on day two..but it was a nice day..lookin forward to tomorrow..n ya m a lil less apprehensive bout workin..takin each day as it comes!!! :) :)